I know that I shouldn't complain, that things could be SO MUCH WORSE but I'm feeling kinda blah today and I want to complain. Its been raining HARD all day long, that cold rain that soaks you all the way to the bone? Ya that. I hate that kind of weather. Add into that the whole TTC saga, in which I am now four dpo and not feeling anything and I think my shit is broke. My friends thought about getting pregnant and poof, they are. But I'm trying not to worry or stress or anything (AHHAHHAHAH).
Then we have the fact that now Hubs has a job. Please don't get me wrong, I am not complaining that he has a job. AT ALL. Having two paychecks again is an amazing thing. And I love that he is out and doing his own thing again. I just miss him I guess. He is working a 2 to 10 shift at a place that is so close that he can come home on lunch but I feel like I don't see him at all. I feel like our conversation is strained lately, that we are looking for things to discuss. He doesn't want to talk about babies and that is all I seem to be about lately. I think its amazing that he's working and that he is so close but we went from spending all day every day together to passing each other as he comes in the door and I get ready to head to bed. Brief conversations, synopsis of the day, kind words, I love yous, but I just miss US. I'm not saying that I want him to not work, believe me being the breadwinner was kinda hard while we cleared up some financial circumstances and we can use both paychecks. But I just miss having time with him, relaxing and watching TV together. Not force feeding him something for dinner at 10:30 because I cooked. Even the weekends recently have been busy, with me running here for my family or him doing this for his.
Its probably all in my head or at least according to him it will be. :) I am gonna put more effort into to and see, maybe spend one day together this weekend. Now if i can only figure out how to change my one track mind....
I have to go back into the office tomorrow, which means I will be out of the pajamas for TWO days in a row. UGH. This also means I won't be in the basement and will not be able to sneak up for morning kisses or just to BS about what interoffice politics are going on now. Which means bed early tonight, which means the circle continues...
I know that we also have plans this weekend or at least Hubs does. He is going to see the indoor football team with his brother and dad on Saturday night. I received an email from my MIL the other day addressed to both me and my SIL asking what we had planned. Oh boy....
30 something married woman embarking on the journey of making and raising a baby one day at a time while trying to keep what little sanity I have left.
Hugs & smiles woman!!! :)
ReplyDeleteI would comment further but we talked via bbm.
Just wanted to stop by and say HI and I am reading your blog.
ps. LOVE your header. :P lol.
Hugs and smiles from me as well!
ReplyDelete(and I also love your header).
I just wanted to say that maybe drawing your attention elsewhere and looking at other things to hope for too might help ease the anxiety it sounds like you're feeling? Perhaps planning a weekend summer trip to a bed and breakfast or somewhere nice? Don't give up TTC of course but just plan weekends where you can go out together and just BE together! Including booze always helps ;P seems like whenever I plan a major booze fest I test positive on a test...same with my sister.
Before I found out we could try again, I was planning on buying a bunch of new stuff for the living room and dinning room (I think I mentioned my shopping list blogging/on twitter) so that kept my mind off things too. Might help? Who knows. I'm here if you need to talk! xoxo